G-DUALITY FOR G-STRINGS
V. Gates, Empty Kangaroo, M. Roachcock, and W.C. Gall
Institute for Toilet Paper,
SUSY, Spontaneously Broken, Nu York
Read the paper.
``If it ain't broke, don't fix it
- - - - - - - - - - unless it's a gauge invariance."
``I never metaphysicist I didn't like."
- - - - - - - - - - Aristotle Rogers
``Feynman rules!" ``Stop quarks!"
- - - - - signs at QCD-ROM convention in Vladipostok
Branes have replaced strings. Unfortunately branes are harder to calculate with than strings
--- they haven't even been quantized yet. We now present the first true quantum calculations with branes.
Loop calculations in quantum gravity can be performed using brane
theory, by performing conformal transformations on the Feynman
1 loop: O = 0
It also gives a theoretical derivation of the fine structure constant:
Rather than Eddington's old
16(16+1)/2 +1 = 137 ≈ 1/α
based on Sp(16) generators, which is good to only .03%, we now have
42(42-1)/2 = 861 ≈ 2π/α
based on SO(42), which is not only (the inverse of) the actual combination
that occurs in the anomalous magnetic moment, but also good to .003%,
an order of magnitude improvement.
This can be derived using the Castro equation, which can be expressed as the commu-tator:
Here "ln" refers to the natural log, while "log" refers to an artificial
log (as used in fireplaces).
Finally, experimental verification for branes may at last be found at the
newly built D0-brane detector through their Duran-Duran charge
signature. In particular, one would expect to detect the lowest mass metastable particle, the
Similar methods can be used to derive theorems on the geometry of
(1) Cross caps can be removed only by Klein bottle openers.
(2) A tire with a black hole has no air.
(3) Vanishing theorem:
(4) M-F theory doesn't work on weekends.
We have verified these theorems by computer, using programs with
Nambu-Goto statements. These programs need lots of memory, so make
sure to Cech-deRham.
These results can be extended to orbifolds and orientifods usings the art
Since strings are finite, string field theory doesn't need to be
renormalized or regularized, only normalized and gularized.
History of left field theory
In the 1940's, Stueckelberg and Feynman discovered that propagators
must be casual, and shortly thereafter physicists stopped wearing
The most recent development in this informality was rap physics:
preprints without equations.
The next thing we can expect is particle physicist prank calls: ``Is your
coupling constant running?" or references to the running of the couplings
The four stages of fame:
(1) nobody references you
(2) EW references you
(3) everybody references you
(4) everybody references EW
Evolutionary stages of reaction to (someone else's) discovery:
Fig. 1. Save the Weyl
|Please stop increasing my dimensions.|
What the "M" in "M-theory" really stands for:
It doesn't cut the mustard.
- Q: What is it that is not broken except when it is fixed?
- A: A gauge invariance.
- Q: Assume magnetic flux is confined to Hiroshima and Nagasaki,
and calculate the A.-Bohm effect.
- Q: Which of the following are real prefixes?
- E. Witten*, Yokonomy of knotted
self-dual cosmic Dp-branes with 12D Skyrme index
- Cyber-Witten, Electric/magnetic quantum numbers as sea life:
- 10-11 Newton and N. Seiberg-Witten, Using BS-duality to
transform garbage-in to garbage-out
- F. Lang, M theory
- C. Itzyxwn, M&M theory using L'Orange multipliers
- Al et al., What's the difference between the simultaneous
measurement of a pair of photons and a paradox?
- A2.B. Cohomolodchikov, Super-gluons, gravy-photons, and
Valu-jet gluon amplitudes at the one-poop level
- Kato and G. Hornet, BeeRST for the string
- P. van Knowwhoisit and I. van Hoe, BPS monopoles, BPST instantons,
BRST invariance, and BPHZ renormalization.
- S. Coleperson, Is the cosmological constant big or little (b/l)? b
(This will come out unreduced.)
- G. Mendeleev, The elements are too Predic Table
- Zum Gali Gali, U(N) symmetry
- Bono, U(2) and other Simonsimple groups
- J.F. Kennedy, x0 what supersymmetry can do for you
- R. van Winkle, How to attend the most seminars
- D. Iagonalizer and K. Interrogator, Cosmetology
- Tini Veltman, Wini, neutrini, and bikini; clapons, clingons, and bunions
- Marcu Gris`R'us, WZW* models
- P.M. Multiakov, the Ramond-Neveu-Schwarz-Christoffel-Witten string
*To be confirmed.